Tuesday, September 12, 2006


My Mother was put into a hospice care facility yesterday, her health is getting worse and she's not responding to medications.

In the past whenever she's had an "episode" that ended her up in the hospital she would snap out of it and be a little worse for the wear but still able to talk and carry on a conversation but this time she went in for an IV to get her magnesium and sodium up and it didn't do her any good so she couldn't stay in the hospital any longer and this was just the next step.

I am the youngest of 3 children, all girls. Our Mother raised us all by herself because our Father was an alcoholic who abused her and so I really don't have any memory of him living with us, just him coming for a wonderfully home cooked meal that she was gracious enough to serve him. He never paid any child support. I never remember feeling like I didn't have what other people had because Mom was a great Mom. She even drove the school bus so I could be with her while she worked, I have some wonderful memories about that bus. She would make my sisters and I matching blouses for Valentines day and other holidays.

They don't think she's going to last very long . She's had lung cancer for 2 1/2 years now. The cancer stopped spreading but now she has some sort of syndrome that makes her lose her electrolytes and that makes her not be able to stand or stay awake. She's been having problems taking meds and eating too.

I realize the end is near and although I've cried quite a bit I think I'm ready. I used to talk to her on her lunch hour and for 3 or more hours in the evening every single day but sense she hasn't been able to work and living with my sister she didn't have the energy to sit on the phone so that seems to have made it a little easier to handle. I once had a counselor tell me I need to ween her from calling me all the time. I told her that she just didn't understand my relationship with MY Mother and that was just the way it was. :) I think if this had been like this way a year ago I wouldn't have been able to hold up so well.

The picture above is from about 2 years ago, about 6 months after she found out she had cancer and started chemo and radiation this is her in her first wig. I think she was more upset about losing her hair then anything. She didn't look the same but she still looked nice.

I love this picture because it was spring and we had picked some flowers from a bush and made a halo and Jaden was having a good time on Grammies lap.

Mama,I hope you don't suffer. I love you with all my heart.

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